When a Person With Dementia Keeps Asking to “Go Home” Even Though They Are Home

There are certain moments in dementia caregiving that can stop you in your tracks.

One of them is hearing someone you love look around the house they have lived in for years and say:

“I want to go home.”

You may be standing in their living room. Their photographs may be on the walls. Their favorite chair may be only a few feet away. Everything around them tells you that they are home.

So your natural response may be:

“But you are home.”

And then they ask again.

“I want to go home.”

For a caregiver, this can be confusing, frustrating and heartbreaking. But understanding what may be behind the request can change how you respond.

The key is recognizing that when a person with dementia says “I want to go home,” the word home may not necessarily refer to the physical house where they currently live.

It may represent something much deeper.

Why Does Someone With Dementia Keep Asking to Go Home?

Dementia affects memory, perception, communication and a person's ability to understand their surroundings. Communication difficulties can also make it harder for a person to explain precisely what they are experiencing or need.

That means “I want to go home” could sometimes be the best way the person can communicate a feeling they cannot otherwise describe.

They might be expressing:

• “I don't recognize this place.”

• “I'm frightened.”

• “I don't feel comfortable.”

• “I'm tired.”

• “I miss my mother.”

• “I want things to feel familiar again.”

• “Something doesn't feel right.”

• “I don't know where I am.”

• “I want to feel safe.”

In other words, instead of focusing exclusively on the word home, it can be helpful to consider the emotion behind the word.

Families experiencing these communication changes may also find our guide to Alzheimer's and dementia caregiver support helpful, particularly when caregiving begins to feel overwhelming.

“Home” May Be a Memory Rather Than a Place

Imagine an 82-year-old woman who repeatedly asks to go home.

Her caregiver knows she has lived in the same house for 45 years.

But the woman may not be thinking about that house.

Perhaps the “home” she remembers most clearly is the house where she grew up.

Maybe home means the kitchen where her mother cooked dinner.

Maybe it is the neighborhood where she raised her children.

Or perhaps “home” isn't a particular building at all.

It may simply represent a time in her life when everything felt familiar, predictable and safe.

This is why trying to establish the factual address of “home” may not resolve the underlying distress.

Should You Tell a Person With Dementia, “You Are Already Home”?

You certainly can gently remind someone where they are, particularly if that information reassures rather than upsets them.

But repeatedly correcting the person may not always be productive.

If you say:

“You are home. You've lived here for 30 years.”

and the person insists:

“No, I'm not. Take me home.”

turning the conversation into a debate may increase frustration.

A similar communication challenge can occur when someone with dementia accuses a family member of stealing. In both situations, trying to win an argument about what actually happened may be less helpful than first addressing the person's fear or distress.

The goal doesn't always have to be proving what is factually correct.

Sometimes the more useful goal is helping the person feel safe, heard and reassured.

What Can You Say Instead?

Rather than immediately saying, “But you are home,” try responding to the feeling first.

For example:

“Tell me about home.”

“What do you miss about home?”

“You're safe here with me.”

“I know you want to go home. I'm here with you.”

“What do you like most about your home?”

These questions aren't guaranteed to work, and every person with dementia is different.

But they can give the caregiver an opportunity to discover what the person may actually be trying to communicate.

You might ask, “Tell me about home,” and hear:

“My mother is waiting for me.”

That tells you something important.

The conversation may not really be about the house.

It may be about missing Mom.

Don't Turn the Moment Into a Test of Memory

Caregivers understandably want to help their loved one remember.

That can lead to questions such as:

“Don't you recognize your own house?”

“Don't you remember moving here?”

“You've lived here since 1982. How can you not know this is your house?”

These questions can unintentionally turn an already confusing situation into a memory test the person may not be able to pass.

Instead of testing memory, concentrate on creating comfort.

The person doesn't need to prove that they remember where they live in order to deserve reassurance.

Understanding the broader changes caused by dementia can also help families communicate with greater patience. Our explanation of the difference between dementia and Alzheimer's disease provides additional background for families beginning this journey.

Try Gentle Redirection

Once you have acknowledged the person's concern, a gentle change of focus may help.

You might say:

“I understand. Before we go anywhere, would you help me make some tea?”

Or:

“Let's sit down for a few minutes and look at these photographs.”

Other possibilities include:

• listening to familiar music,

• folding towels together,

• having a favorite snack,

• taking a supervised walk,

• looking through a family photo album,

• talking about a familiar person,

• sitting together quietly,

• moving to a calmer room.

The purpose isn't to trick the person.

It is to help move their attention away from something causing distress and toward something that may provide comfort.

Photographs Can Sometimes Help Create Familiarity

Family photographs can be particularly meaningful.

Instead of asking:

“Who is this?”

which can again feel like a test, you might simply say:

“Here's that picture of you and Mom.”

Or:

“Look at this beautiful picture from the old neighborhood.”

Then allow the person to respond however they wish.

The objective isn't necessarily accurate recollection.

The objective is connection.

Even when someone cannot identify every person or remember exactly when a photograph was taken, the image may still create a sense of familiarity or comfort.

That same principle of reducing pressure and focusing on connection can be especially valuable during holidays and visits. Our article on making family gatherings easier for someone with Alzheimer's discusses ways families can adjust the environment and expectations.

Look at the Environment Too

Sometimes behavior can provide clues about the person's environment.

Ask yourself:

Is the television too loud?

Are several people talking simultaneously?

Is the room unfamiliar?

Has furniture recently been moved?

Is it getting dark outside?

Is the person tired?

Are they hungry or thirsty?

Have they been sitting for too long?

Is there too much activity?

Sometimes changing the environment may be more useful than changing the conversation.

Turn down the television.

Reduce clutter.

Move into a quieter room.

Offer water or a snack.

Turn on appropriate lighting.

Sit beside the person.

A relatively small change may sometimes reduce distress.

Pay Attention to the Time of Day

If the request to “go home” repeatedly happens around the same time, keep track of the pattern.

Some people with Alzheimer's experience increased confusion, agitation or restlessness later in the day, commonly referred to as sundowning.

If the behavior routinely begins in late afternoon, caregivers may be able to plan calmer, familiar activities during that period.

Paying attention to patterns can be extremely useful. Write down when the behavior occurs, what was happening immediately beforehand, how the person appeared to be feeling and which responses seemed to help.

“I Want to Go Home” Can Become a Safety Issue

Sometimes the person simply asks to go home.

Other times, they may try to leave.

They might walk toward the door, search for their coat, attempt to find car keys or leave the house.

At that point, the issue is no longer only about communication.

It is also about safety.

People living with dementia can become lost or disoriented, even in areas that were once very familiar.

If attempts to leave are becoming frequent, discuss the situation with the person's healthcare team and review the home's safety plan.

What If Nothing Seems to Work?

There may be days when reassurance works beautifully.

There may be days when photographs work.

There may be days when a snack, music or a walk changes everything.

And there may be days when none of them work.

That doesn't necessarily mean the caregiver did something wrong.

Dementia affects people differently, and a strategy that works today may not work tomorrow.

Instead of searching for the perfect phrase, consider building a collection of approaches you can try.

Observe.

Listen.

Reassure.

Redirect.

Adjust the environment.

And when necessary, give the person some time.

Caregiving can also take an enormous toll on the person providing the care. If you recognize exhaustion, isolation or emotional overload in yourself or another caregiver, read 7 signs an Alzheimer's caregiver may need help.

Watch for Sudden Changes

There is an important difference between a familiar dementia-related behavior and a new or suddenly worsening change.

If someone who has never repeatedly asked to go home suddenly begins doing so along with significantly increased confusion, agitation or other unusual behavior, don't automatically assume it is simply dementia progressing.

Pain, dehydration, medication changes, infections and other medical problems can sometimes contribute to behavioral changes.

When something seems distinctly different from the person's usual behavior, contact an appropriate healthcare professional.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Why does someone with dementia keep asking to go home?

There isn't one explanation that applies to everyone. The person may be confused about their surroundings, remembering an earlier home, feeling anxious or uncomfortable, or attempting to communicate a need or emotion they cannot easily express. Dementia affects each individual differently.

What should I say when someone with dementia wants to go home?

Try acknowledging the feeling before correcting the facts. Statements such as “You're safe here with me” or questions such as “Tell me about home” may open a calmer conversation. Reassurance and gentle redirection can sometimes be more productive than repeatedly arguing about where the person is.

Should you tell a person with dementia that they are already home?

You can gently orient the person if doing so is reassuring. If repeatedly insisting that they are home leads to frustration or an argument, consider focusing instead on the emotion or need behind the request.

What does “I want to go home” mean in dementia?

It may literally mean the person wants to leave, but it can also reflect confusion, anxiety, discomfort, a desire for familiarity or memories associated with an earlier home or period of life. The meaning can vary from person to person.

How can caregivers redirect someone asking to leave?

After acknowledging the concern, try introducing a familiar, calming activity such as looking at photographs, listening to music, having a snack, taking a supervised walk or completing a simple household activity together.

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Listen for the Feeling Behind the Words

“I want to go home” can be one of the hardest sentences for a caregiver to hear.

Especially when you're already standing there.

But the words may make more sense when we stop thinking of home only as an address.

For many of us, home represents safety.

Familiarity.

Family.

Routine.

Belonging.

Comfort.

For a person living with dementia, asking to “go home” may sometimes be an attempt to reach for one or more of those feelings.

You may not always be able to take them to the home they are remembering.

But you can try to bring some of what home represents to them.

A familiar photograph.

A favorite song.

A reassuring voice.

A hand to hold.

Or simply someone sitting beside them who isn't trying to correct the moment, but is willing to share it.

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Please Share This With Another Caregiver

If you know a spouse, son, daughter, relative, friend or caregiver who has repeatedly heard the heartbreaking words “I want to go home,” please share this article with them.

Sometimes understanding what may be behind those four words can help make an incredibly difficult caregiving moment a little easier to navigate.

Important Note: This article provides general educational information and is not medical advice. Dementia symptoms and behaviors vary considerably among individuals. New, sudden or rapidly worsening behavioral changes should be discussed promptly with an appropriate healthcare professional.